We tend to build an invisible barrier around our communities and pretend that abuse does not exist.
This is my story.
My husband came from a very unstable family where they became immune to abuse. It was ‘normal‘ for them. I suppose he didn’t know any other way. That doesn’t mean I condoned his actions, then, or now.
I suffered in silence, while he physically and mentally abused me. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. He was obsessive and possessive to the point that I could not even attend my own sisters wedding.
It eventually got to the stage where I couldn’t take any more. My body was tired from the beating. I was loosing my mind. The words he used were the worst, they cut through me like a knife. I almost had a nervous breakdown. Then I realised that I couldn’t do this any more. I had very little fight left in me, and what little there was I wanted to use to fight against him. I filed for divorce.
What followed, to this day haunts. I keep it locked away, deep, down in my heart. I wish I could completely erase it. My husband murdered my son. And then the coward hanged himself. The pain continues to reverberate through my soul each and every day. He killed my baby and took the easy way out.
If I thought that life before this was bad, things just got even worst for me. I felt tlike a was always on the edge of a cliff, and I wished someone would just push me over. Depression clung to me. I changed jobs. I began neglecting my other son, and then I handed him over to my parents, because they would take better care of him than I could at that time. But the gap I put between us, just drove us further apart. Eventually it has come to a stage where I don’t even see my son any more. I was so afraid that if I allowed him to get close to me, something horrible would happen to him too. It was an irrational conclusion, but I was hardly in the correct frame of mind any more. I could never forgive myself. If I hadn’t filed for divorce, my angel would still be alive.
Remember me in your prayers. Pray for my strength so that I may endure this pain, pray for more strength so that I may lay the past to rest, and pray for further strength so that I may be a mother to the only son I have I have left. And pray for my little boy, smiling down on me.
Hope everyone is well this beautiful, rainy day! I will be sharing stories from victims and survivors a few times a week. Please share your thoughts, your encouragements and your support. May Allah ease the pain of all those that are suffering. Ameen!
If anyone has any stories to share please email me email@example.com
Have a fabulous Monday! Go out and find your ray of sunshine!